Tired?

I feel really exhausted with complications happening in my life all this while. It sucks to feel excluded, and it sucks even more when you try to include yourself and they simply ignored your existence... Not extremely disappointed with it though, because I came to this point in life with mental preparation. I have learned throughout my life about complexities of different people, and I am getting used to it now. Hence it does not matter if I have too little friends around me. I feel really glad to have real friends around me, I know I am such a terrible person at times, and my friends, boyfriend, sticked with me throughout everything. P.s. when I say everything, it meant quite a long period of time. I wondered why there will be some people would still choose to be close to me when I am a terrible friend, buddy, and I admit I was an ego person too. It is clearly that friends around me do have quite a wide circle of their own friends too, however I am still included with these people. I remembered I mentioned how tired I felt about living, because of many dramatic happenings that happened in my life, how painful it was to endure everything in the past. Time passes so fast and I realize I have underestimated myself. I survived through the most painful moments, and I have good friends around me who are nice people, and a good boyfriend who supports me and helped me. I feel no longer tired. Instead, I feel motivated, and I have found my reason to live. I hope readers of my blog have found their reason to live on, too. :)
Till then, x

It's okay to be alone

Time is accelerating way more than I expected. I am currently studying in a polytechnic now. Back in the days where I was in secondary school, I pictured my poly life would be much better as compared to my boring secondary life... However, when reality steps in, I realize I shouldn't be so naive anymore. In the past, I thought I could have a new start in poly, to make new friends and enjoy school life. However, I am a really naive person. I only saw the "positive" parts of poly mates and school environment, because when I get enrolled and starts my new classes, I realize, well, probably my poly class would not be better off than my secondary school class. Believe or not, I was ostracized for quite a long period during secondary school. Because my closest friends left me, and what made the matter worse was, they refused to tell me the reason. The feeling was extremely horrendous, terrible. My classmates have their own cliques for quite a while, hence I do not have any courage to try to step into their worlds. This was why for a long period in my life in secondary school, I felt so hard because I was literally left alone. No one attempted to invite me into their discussions, I sat alone, for a year. I did not know what made me able to make it to go to school everyday, although I knew that it will be hell for me to go because I will be all left alone. I felt like I am not accepted AT ALL. To the people who gets ostracized before, you will know how it feels. It was so difficult for me to go to school everyday. I felt like I made a terrible mistake that caused me to get ostracized by everyone. I hate going to lunch, recess alone, I hate to eat inside the toilet cubicle at times. I know this sounded gross... But I think I should really speak out my pain, I do not have the courage to tell this to my friends or family, I could only vent it in here, because I know at least there will be people reading it, and this will seemed that I have spoke this out to someone although I did not speak this physically. Life was the worst when I was ostracized, and this made me to pin all my hopes for a new school life in polytechnic... I did a lot of soul searching, constantly asking myself, what had I done to get ostracized? I promised myself to not let it happen again in poly, and so far, I did not get ostracized, physically at least. I tried to be slightly different, tried to be initiative, speaking out more, attempted to get a little attention, it did not work out a lot for me, and that was when I realize I shouldn't really speak out all from my mind to everyone. Because almost everyone are judgmental, some are rather delusional as well. I know I will definitely get hated more if any of my classmates get to know this, but I guess, I have nothing much left anyways. In poly, life was no way much better as compared to secondary school life. I am not ostracized physically, but I need to get mindful of what I am saying because, well, I am a sucker to be sensitive of others and I admit this, which makes me having not much friends around. However, friends who stayed by my side are the true ones, which I am so glad for this. They truly know who i am and they wouldn't take it into their heart if I accidentally sounded offensive because they know I do not mean that way. I am really thankful for my friends and my boyfriend who supported me until now :'). I do not have the best personality but I realize it is okay to be alone, because there will still be people in our lives supporting us. Stay strong. :)

25 things GIRLS need to know about GUYS ~

1. Guys are more emotional than you would think. If they loved you – they wont get over you for a long time; even if they act like it.
2. When a guy is complimenting you and says your beautiful they HATE it when the girl denies it. There wouldn’t be a point to saying it if it weren’t true and why bother disagreeing? Just accept your compliment, don’t deny it!
3. Guys don’t understand girls all the time. But they will sit up for hours and wonder what the hell the girl meant.
4. Getting kicked in the crotch is a pain. Literally! Its mean, humiliating and apparently VERY painful!
5. Guys weakness = girls.
6. Guys may flirt a lot but before they go to sleep, they think about that one special girl (awww)
7. It means a lot to a guy when a girl isn’t shallow and actually goes for a guy because of their personality. It’s a good trait.
8. First impressions mean a lot! If you show up drunk, covered in makeup and acting like a whore, he probably wont call you unless he’s seeking an escort…
9. Not ALL guys are assholes. Just because some are, doesn’t mean you can generalise!
10. Guys DO have feelings too. Maybe they aren’t so upfront about it, but they do care.
11. Girls have to accept that if they aren’t planning to ‘put out’ for a guy – he’s not necessarily going to wait around for them.
12. There is a thing called ‘GUY TIME’ – it means NO GIRLS. If a guy wants to spend time with his mates, LET HIM. If not, your crowding him and being clingy.
13. Relationships can be friendships too. Work on the friendship side of things, it’s not meant to always be about the sexual side to your relationship. Especially during teenage years, relationships don’t need to be 24/7 and major serious!!!! You are a teenager, calm down!
14. Guys may (from time to time) see you, NOT because they actually like you, but because they want to get into your pants. It’s really that simple.
15. The whole “playing hard to get” can actually work but not if you fully ignore the guy or if the guy hasn’t noticed you exist yet
16. 3rd date is the key. 1st date is group thing. 2nd is getting to know each other. 3rd means he ACTUALLY likes you.
17. Some guys really do care about the ‘bros before hoes’ rule. Mates come before girls.
18. Girls always expect guys to lean in. Truth is, they don’t always know how!
19. After hooking up at a party – if the guy wants something more, they WILL find you. Dont go pressuring them to date you – they need time to think about these things!
20. A relationship does not mean a girl can finally control a guy. Just because you’re dating doesn’t mean he’s strictly your property. He IS allowed to have a life and have other friends including girls who are friends!!!!
21. If a guy is experienced he’s likely to want something from you. If he’s happy to wait and wont pressure you, he’s a good guy and actually DOES care about you.
22. Dont go on a date with a guy if you don’t know if you like him. It’s leading him on and it’s just mean.
23. The best way to tell if the guy is trust worthy is by doing your own research about his history and then discreetly quizzing him on the date. If he mentions and agrees to his past then he is good, if not then BAD
24. Girls think too much. Stop over thinking the relationship – just let it run its course!
25. You shouldnt meet your boyfriend for the first time on a date; get to know him first. Step one, meet guy. Step two, GET TO KNOW HIM, THEN –> date him

You said i don't understand guys right , naa i spend time looking for this bitch .